Happy Birthday Jesus

Nowadays, Christmas flies by faster than I can say the word. 1 day of celebrating with extended family and it's over.

In fact, as soon as Christmas Day is done, the Lunar New Year decorations start going up and CNY music is played in some of the shopping Malls. Some places are smart at reusing some of the Christmas Lights for the CNY Lights.

I'm not sure if it's me or if it's the general vibe that the Christmas vibe seems to be missing.

Maybe my missing church and not staying in touch with God has made me abit numb to the Christmas feels or that the world has made Christmas too commercial that I don't feel the warm fuzzies.

I always believed that Christmas isnt the exact time of when Jesus was born. If anything, it's a symbolic date to commemorate his birth. A reminder of not his birth but Him taking human form and starting His work to save us... something that i forget to reflect on int he other 364 days of the year. What a terrible Christian I am...

My life has taken a turn where I will soon have to convert to a muslim. Even though I know in my heart that my heart belongs to Jesus. Such is a battle between heavenly love and human love. Honestly, I am at a lost and full of guilt at not being able to give up the latter. I have found a wonderful man, who loves me and looks out for me and I am a lesser lover than him. I don't think i can ask for a better man. or I dnt think I can find a better man. An example of me with my human understanding and human powers.

Of course I ask myself if I will be damned for eternity by outwardly converting to Islam and maybe even having to carry out certain practices... Would I be damned?

Or would Jesus's love and my asking for forgiveness reconscile this and allow me to be with Him when the time comes?

And what about my spouse and my offspring? Do i leave them behind?

Or will God's power be strong enough for me to declare that even my household will convert someday?

Can I vehemently proclaim of God's power to save my family?

Without Jesus, I dare not even think of it. Jesus is the gamechanger. He is the Key to allowing us perpetual sinners to be saved and do be so daring as to ask for impossible things. But of course as a Christian, if you dare to ask, (faith the size of a mustard seed) God dares to supply.

So I boldy ask for forgiveness, I boldy ask God for the saving grace for me and my future family and even so much as to bring my family (including my parents) to Christ. All this in Jesus's Name. Without Jesus, how can I even be able to approach Daddy God...

As for this blog, I hope to still be able to quietly write in... my heart and my thoughts are my own and God's imprint in it will always be there.

On Christmas, I honor you Jesus. It's easy to get caught up with life and forget that none of this is possible without God, without your taking our sins away. I am safe and living and healthy because of you. May i never forget you, may my own quiet reflections be about you and our Father. Please continue to be with me even as I navigate the unfavourable path.